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Why did the chicken cross the road, 2016?


DONALD TRUMP: We will build a big wall to keep illegal chickens from crossing the road.
We will have a door for legal chickens.

JOHN KERRY: We will trust the chicken to tell us whether it crossed the road or not.

CHRIS CHRISTIE: We need to waterboard that chicken to find out why it crossed the road.

RAND PAUL: It's none of our business why the chicken crossed the road.

NANCY PELOSI: We will have to wait until the chicken crosses the road to see what it says.

CARLY FIORINA: Hilary Clinton lied about why the chicken crossed the road.

BRIAN WILLIAMS: I crossed the road with the chicken.

BEN CARSON: This isn't brain surgery. So why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road?

BERNIE SANDERS: Crossing the road should be free for all chickens regardless of income, status or the reason for crossing.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

TIM COOK: I will not build a backdoor to let the chicken cross the road.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.

OPRAH: I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2016, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS (no relation to Bernie...): Did I miss one?
 

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Discussion Starter #591
Just received this spam in my junk email box:

Hello,

We wish to inform you that your email as been selected and awarded the sum of Eight
Million Pounds sterling (£8,000,000.00) with reference number 77100146. This
compensation funds is from the United Nations. To receive payment Send us your full
personal details to deliver your funds as soon as possible.

Glorias Peter



Do you think someone will get screwed if they reply to it?
 

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Speeding ticket

Speeding Ticket


Two Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding enforcement on I-15, just north of Oceanside, San Diego, California.
One of the officers was using a hand-held radar device to check speeding vehicles approaching the crest of a hill. The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour and climbing.
The officer attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset and then it suddenly turned off.
Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar had in fact locked on to a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low-flying exercise near this, its home base location.
Back at the California Highway Patrol Headquarters the Patrol Captain fired off a complaint to the US Marine Corps Base Commander for shutting down his equipment.
The reply came back in true USMC style:
'Thank you for your letter. You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked on to, your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it, which is why it shut down.
'Furthermore, an air-to-ground missile aboard the fully armed aircraft had also automatically locked on to your equipment location.
'Fortunately, the Marine pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile system alert status and was able to override the automated defense system before the missile was launched to destroy the hostile radar position.
'The pilot suggests you cover your mouths when cussing at them, since the video systems on these jets are very high tech.
'Sergeant Johnson, as his name badge said, the officer holding the radar gun, should get his dentist to check his left rear molar. It appears the filling is loose. Also, the snap is broken on his holster.
'Semper Fi'
 

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Discussion Starter #596
Did you ever think that's why many rest stops on the interstate are spaced 30-40 miles apart? ;D ;D
 

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Catholic Churches in Las Vegas


Bet you didn’t know this..



Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips?

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches than casinos.

Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.

The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.

This is done by the chip monks.



You didn't even see it coming, did you?
 

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As a product of a K-8th Chicago Catholic grade school taught by the BVM sisters and 4 years of Christian Brothers HS, that's a good one
 
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